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With love, LIN.
profileYILIN GOH, Singapore
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Sunday, March 10, 2013
A lesson in life
I'm sorry for the lack of updates. If you're reading this now, I sincerely thank you for constantly checking back on this space for an update. I'm not gonna publicize this post like how I usually do. Cos this post is rather personal, it's meant to be a constant reminder for myself and if you're reading this now, I hope it serves as a reminder for you too.
The past month was indeed an emotional roller coaster ride for both my parents and myself... Exactly a month ago, I can still remember all the fun I had with my relatives during CNY visitings. And today, it's the last day of my Grandpa's wake...
If life is made up of many and different chapters to teach us a lesson and that 'everything really happens for a reason' like what I've always believed in, I believe this chapter of my life happened to remind me that as I'm growing up, never forget that my parents are growing old too.
Through his actions, this man taught me the true meaning of 'Filial Piety' too. I can still remember a few months ago, he came to lie by my side while I was lying on my bed then he said: "Yilin, 我要没有爸爸了... (I'm going to lose my Father soon)" Hearing that from your Dad and not knowing how to console him really... Sucks. And now that it really happened, it's even suck-ier.
Honestly, I thought I was okay about my Grandpa's departure...
Until I looked into the mirror just now, I feel really sad and I truly regretted. I realized I was too caught up with my life as I juggled both studies and work at the same time. After I entered uni, I didn't really make a point to visit him in the hospital as often as I should.
Two weeks ago, after Dad's birthday dinner, my parents drove to the hospital because they're worried about him and before I went up, I still told my Mom: "Only for awhile okay? It's already so late, I still have work that I need to complete." Only when I saw my Grandpa, I regretted everything I said. I couldn't stop tearing... From that night onwards, I made a point to visit him at least once, every single day.
During that short period of time, I'm really touched by his love for me. No matter how much pain he was going through, he never failed to smile when he saw me grinning at him when he wakes up or whenever I showed him our favourite picture of us. When I told him I scored 80% for one of my tests, he gave me a 'thumbs-up' sign even though he was really weak. Even times when he seemed unconscious cos he was too weak, he would still give me a nod when I told him I'm heading out to study and I'll be back to visit him again.
When he could still speak, he always say: my Yilin is Goh Family's best Grand-daughter. Honestly, I don't think so. If I could rewind time, I would make an effort to know him better, to learn Hokkien so communication wouldn't be a barrier for us at all and I would visit him more often even when he was well. But it's all too late...
My Mom told me Grandpa understands and he will never blame you but... I just can't help but to feel the way I'm feeling right now. And I know the only way to make up to him is to fulfill my promise to him.
Rest in peace, Ah Gong. I never said this to you before but I love you. <3
"Let go of what's gone. Appreciate what still remains and look forward to what's coming next." <3
Truth is, I can never turn back time. All I can do is, treasure the present and make time for the people I love especially my dearest parents. If your grandparents are still around, spend more time with them too. I believe a short 30 minutes over every weekend is enough to make a positive difference in their lives...
On a side note, I'm glad the toughest week is finally over for me, it's been emotionally, physically & academically demanding especially during the mid-terms period. And now, it's time to focus. I will be back to blog more often soon too cos I really miss blogging. And I really feel much better after typing this long post. Okay, I shall get more revision done before my well-deserved sleep.
Till then, xx.
I'm no angel, I'm just me
But I will love you endlessly.